Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
Orgasms for Women:  Ride ‘em, Cowgirl!
Dear Lucy,
Vaginal intercourse doesn’t do the same  thing fingering does for me, but I know my man likes sex better. How do I get my way without  seeming selfish and still giving him what he wants too?
You have no idea how many questions like this I  get. And it’s killing me. I want to come to each and every one of your high  schools and give a sex talk. And if you’re past high school and you’re still trying  to figure out the female orgasm conundrum, I want to come to your house and  hit you –and your boyfriend, harder- over the head.
As an orgasms-for-women advocate, I think this  subject matter is incredibly important. The answer is not simple, but I hope you  will find it helpful and satisfying.
Ladies and gentlemen: not all women can have an  orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Actually, MOST women can’t, like around 75%.  That’s a fucking huge number! So why,  oh why, do both men and women continue to believe that gals can always get off  in the same manner as dudes? Well, this belief system is a product of social propaganda (I swear I’ll be stepping off the soap box and getting to the  juicy stuff in a sec, just bear with me).
In movies, books, porn, stories, etc., women are  usually seen having an orgasm from peen-vag penetration, just like men do. These  are the images we see, and what many people believe is the only way that  orgasms for the ladies work. In real life, some women can indeed get off from intercourse, and many cannot. The reason is simple: the nerve endings  that lead to orgasm in a man are located in his penis. Chances are, a lot of  direct stimulation of the cock (like during intercourse) will lead to him  splooging all over the place.
The nerve endings that bring a woman to the brink  are concentrated in the clitoris. This is the little nub at the top of your  vagina, ladies. Thus, when a penis is thrusting in and out of your vagina (which  is the opening below your clit), the clit may not necessarily be getting  touched. For many women, no clit stimulation = no orgasm.
Luckily, there are so many orgasm options for  women! Like the reader above says, fingering is one (as in she or her man rubbing  her clit and other parts of the vag with his/her fingers). Awesomely, fingering can  be combined with other aspects of sex, like intercourse. Try it with the  girl on top; it’s easier to get to the clit this way, and then you (the woman)  or your partner can be the one to do the fingering. Or switch off the manual  labor. I find that clit stimulation at the same time as vag penetration can lead  to some mind-staggeringly big O’s.
If your hands are getting tired, bring a vibrator  into the action. [Men, if you are feeling threatened by your woman’s plastic  buzzing thing, you’re a douchebag. A vibrator cannot hold her, comfort her with  words, kiss her, etc. It will never replace you, your cock, your manliness.  What it can do is help your lady get off –hard- while you’re giving her all the  rest of those amazing things that only a human can provide.] Vibrations on the  clit bring many women to orgasm pretty quickly, and if you set it up to touch  your clit while fucking, your hands (and your partners’) will be free to  explore other areas, like nipples and booties.
Staying in the cowgirl position (girl on top, that  is), you can also try rubbing your clit on your man. When he thrusts his dick up  into you, open your pussy lips up, and push your clit against his pubic bone.  Keep up the consistent motion-of-the-ocean, and your boat could be pulling  into the harbor right along with your co-captain’s, if you know what I mean. (I  may have gone a bit off the deep end with that analogy.)
Clit stimulash is also possible in other positions.  For instance, reaching down there during doggy-style sex is easy for the guy  or girl, and you can even give yourself a hand in man-on-top positions too.  Or sitting up. Or reverse cowgirl. Or pretty much anything. This could be  the solution to your problem, reader: fingering + sex at the same time =  orgasms for all!
Of course, this could also not be the solution for  you (or the other 75% of the female population in a similar situation). Maybe  you really only get off from fingering alone, or from your trusty vibe, or  from oral sex. In that case, your problem is more about communication with  your partner:
 I am of the  mind that both partners (female, male, or any combination) deserve the best sexual experience possible when they are together. Having sex with someone (and  sex doesn’t always have to include peen-vag intercourse) is like a contract:  you are both agreeing to try your best to enjoy yourself, and to help your  lover enjoy their experience as well. I’m not saying the orgasm ration has to  be 1:1 at all times, but it will be better for both of you if you both feel  satisfied the majority of the time.
In many M/F pairings, it will be easier and faster  for the man to get his rocks off, but that doesn’t mean that the sexual  experience then comes to a halt, with him rolling over and snoring, and you lying there  with blue-balls (ovaries?). OF COURSE your boy-toy “likes sex better;” all  that hard work pays off when HE has an orgasm! You are not being selfish by  wanting to reach the same end, dear reader, he is.
Let him have his orgasm, and then it’s his  responsibility to return the favor to you. This may require experimenting, frustration,  and hard work, but you will get there eventually. And if he’s a decent fella,  he’ll understand that that is the only decent way to go about having a sexual partnership with you. The best guys I’ve been with have not only given  me orgasms in whatever way worked best for me, but they genuinely enjoyed  doing so. If your man is grumpy or reluctant to take you to orgasm-town,  seriously get him out of your bed and find a man that will be delighted to do it  for you.
xoxo, Lucy
More on this subject here:
http://gettingdowninchitown.tumblr.com/post/403333864/orgasming-with-a-partner-myth-debunked-dear
How do you get off,  ladies? And how do you get your ladies off, guys?

Orgasms for Women:  Ride ‘em, Cowgirl!

Dear Lucy,

Vaginal intercourse doesn’t do the same thing fingering does for me, but I know my man likes sex better. How do I get my way without seeming selfish and still giving him what he wants too?

You have no idea how many questions like this I get. And it’s killing me. I want to come to each and every one of your high schools and give a sex talk. And if you’re past high school and you’re still trying to figure out the female orgasm conundrum, I want to come to your house and hit you –and your boyfriend, harder- over the head.

As an orgasms-for-women advocate, I think this subject matter is incredibly important. The answer is not simple, but I hope you will find it helpful and satisfying.

Ladies and gentlemen: not all women can have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Actually, MOST women can’t, like around 75%.  That’s a fucking huge number! So why, oh why, do both men and women continue to believe that gals can always get off in the same manner as dudes? Well, this belief system is a product of social propaganda (I swear I’ll be stepping off the soap box and getting to the juicy stuff in a sec, just bear with me).

In movies, books, porn, stories, etc., women are usually seen having an orgasm from peen-vag penetration, just like men do. These are the images we see, and what many people believe is the only way that orgasms for the ladies work. In real life, some women can indeed get off from intercourse, and many cannot. The reason is simple: the nerve endings that lead to orgasm in a man are located in his penis. Chances are, a lot of direct stimulation of the cock (like during intercourse) will lead to him splooging all over the place.

The nerve endings that bring a woman to the brink are concentrated in the clitoris. This is the little nub at the top of your vagina, ladies. Thus, when a penis is thrusting in and out of your vagina (which is the opening below your clit), the clit may not necessarily be getting touched. For many women, no clit stimulation = no orgasm.

Luckily, there are so many orgasm options for women! Like the reader above says, fingering is one (as in she or her man rubbing her clit and other parts of the vag with his/her fingers). Awesomely, fingering can be combined with other aspects of sex, like intercourse. Try it with the girl on top; it’s easier to get to the clit this way, and then you (the woman) or your partner can be the one to do the fingering. Or switch off the manual labor. I find that clit stimulation at the same time as vag penetration can lead to some mind-staggeringly big O’s.

If your hands are getting tired, bring a vibrator into the action. [Men, if you are feeling threatened by your woman’s plastic buzzing thing, you’re a douchebag. A vibrator cannot hold her, comfort her with words, kiss her, etc. It will never replace you, your cock, your manliness. What it can do is help your lady get off –hard- while you’re giving her all the rest of those amazing things that only a human can provide.] Vibrations on the clit bring many women to orgasm pretty quickly, and if you set it up to touch your clit while fucking, your hands (and your partners’) will be free to explore other areas, like nipples and booties.

Staying in the cowgirl position (girl on top, that is), you can also try rubbing your clit on your man. When he thrusts his dick up into you, open your pussy lips up, and push your clit against his pubic bone. Keep up the consistent motion-of-the-ocean, and your boat could be pulling into the harbor right along with your co-captain’s, if you know what I mean. (I may have gone a bit off the deep end with that analogy.)

Clit stimulash is also possible in other positions. For instance, reaching down there during doggy-style sex is easy for the guy or girl, and you can even give yourself a hand in man-on-top positions too. Or sitting up. Or reverse cowgirl. Or pretty much anything. This could be the solution to your problem, reader: fingering + sex at the same time = orgasms for all!

Of course, this could also not be the solution for you (or the other 75% of the female population in a similar situation). Maybe you really only get off from fingering alone, or from your trusty vibe, or from oral sex. In that case, your problem is more about communication with your partner:

 I am of the mind that both partners (female, male, or any combination) deserve the best sexual experience possible when they are together. Having sex with someone (and sex doesn’t always have to include peen-vag intercourse) is like a contract: you are both agreeing to try your best to enjoy yourself, and to help your lover enjoy their experience as well. I’m not saying the orgasm ration has to be 1:1 at all times, but it will be better for both of you if you both feel satisfied the majority of the time.

In many M/F pairings, it will be easier and faster for the man to get his rocks off, but that doesn’t mean that the sexual experience then comes to a halt, with him rolling over and snoring, and you lying there with blue-balls (ovaries?). OF COURSE your boy-toy “likes sex better;” all that hard work pays off when HE has an orgasm! You are not being selfish by wanting to reach the same end, dear reader, he is.

Let him have his orgasm, and then it’s his responsibility to return the favor to you. This may require experimenting, frustration, and hard work, but you will get there eventually. And if he’s a decent fella, he’ll understand that that is the only decent way to go about having a sexual partnership with you. The best guys I’ve been with have not only given me orgasms in whatever way worked best for me, but they genuinely enjoyed doing so. If your man is grumpy or reluctant to take you to orgasm-town, seriously get him out of your bed and find a man that will be delighted to do it for you.

xoxo, Lucy

More on this subject here:

http://gettingdowninchitown.tumblr.com/post/403333864/orgasming-with-a-partner-myth-debunked-dear

How do you get off, ladies? And how do you get your ladies off, guys?

Comments
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Notes

  1. nellytaylor reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  2. lagrainenoire reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  3. srayeh answered: Sad I’ve only had 1 orgasm out of 3 sex partners & I dont remeber how I got there :/. But I’ve found this blog very helpful THANKYOU! =D
  4. industrial-illusions answered: The only way I’m able to is if I’m on top and rubbing against him… but sometimes I wish that there were other ways for me but its frustera
  5. lisatmurphy reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  6. madprankster answered: Simple answer—any way she wants. I have two hands, a cock, multiple toys, and a tongue; all at her disposal, and in any combination.
  7. bnycb answered: Doggy style+Clitoral stimulation. Mmm… Brb.
  8. brittanylgillman answered: LADIES FIRST!
  9. ohkatieface answered: i love the cowgirl position. it always does it for me, like you said here about it hitting the clit. just perfectly. :] big O’s indeed
  10. gettingdowninchitown posted this

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Life. Love. Lust.

I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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