Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?!(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)Episode 3: SEX WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS (part 1)Dear Lucy,My boyfriend has raised the topic of Threesomes. I’m fairly uncomfortable about it, but he’s fantastic and I would like to experiment, but I’m nervous. Is it possible to have a threesome as the couple and not damage your relationship?Yes, it is indeed possible to have threesomes, and still maintain a happy, healthy relationship with your main partner. For some couples, however, this is just not going to happen successfully. Sex with multiple partners is not for everyone, and now take a moment to breathe, and realize that IT’S OK if it’s not for you.But maybe it is for you! And your partner! So you decide to give it a try. If you’re going down this road: whoo hoo! Threesomes (and foursomes, and moresomes… for the sake of simplicity, I’m just going to say threesome, but all my advice applies to most multiple-partner sexy situations.) can be super fun and exciting. IF you go about the whole thing properly. Don’t even go into the threesome forest if you haven’t fully prepared for the journey, know what I’m saying?RULE 1. Consider the reasons for having a threesome very carefully, no matter which member of the triad you happen to be.If you brought up the idea of sex with multiple partners to your other half (I will now call you PARTNER A), what is your motivation? If you’re looking for excitement, and you want to share your enthusiasm with your partner: GREAT. If you’re interested in exploring sex with someone of a different gender/body type/general style from your main squeeze, and your main squeeze is into it too: GREAT. If you’re no longer into your main squeeze, and you’re looking for a way to cheat while not really cheating: NOT GREAT. Basically any sort of deceit or disregard for the feelings of your main partner while going into this new sexual experience: NOT GREAT.If your main partner brought up the idea of a threesome to you (making you PARTNER B), you’re in a different position. You kinda call the shots, and you decide if it’s going to happen. Seriously consider Partner A’s reasons for wanting a threesome. If s/he is excited and trustworthy, and you are totally down to try anything to make them happy: GREAT. If you’re sensing any sort of weird intent and you feel crazy uncomfortable about the whole idea: NOT GREAT. Here’s the thing though: chances are, you’re going to feel a little uncomfortable at some point in the threesome process. I don’t see this as a reason to call off the whole thing, though. Weigh the pros and cons, and discuss with Partner A deeply and honestly both your feelings, and hers/his. Maybe it’s worth trying.Then there’s PARTNER C, the newcomer to the bedroom. If that’s you, you’re in a very interesting position (well let’s hope so, am I right??). If you’re interested in hooking up with a couple for the joy of sex: GREAT. If you’re secreting angling to get one of them into you emotionally, and you aim to destroy their relationship eventually: NOT GREAT. Don’t be evil. You basically have to play by the couple’s rules, or you’re out. (Not including protection/safety rules, of course. Handle that shit yourself, no matter what.) Of course, all this stuff so far could be moot, ‘cause all three members of the triad are un-relationshipped PARTNER C’s. In that case, get on with your bad selves and have fun! Use mad protection, and don’t hurt anybody’s feelings. Safe words still apply.(Stayed tuned for the next step of planning your threesome…)

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?!
(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)

Episode 3: SEX WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS (part 1)

Dear Lucy,
My boyfriend has raised the topic of Threesomes. I’m fairly uncomfortable about it, but he’s fantastic and I would like to experiment, but I’m nervous. Is it possible to have a threesome as the couple and not damage your relationship?

Yes, it is indeed possible to have threesomes, and still maintain a happy, healthy relationship with your main partner. For some couples, however, this is just not going to happen successfully. Sex with multiple partners is not for everyone, and now take a moment to breathe, and realize that IT’S OK if it’s not for you.

But maybe it is for you! And your partner! So you decide to give it a try. If you’re going down this road: whoo hoo! Threesomes (and foursomes, and moresomes… for the sake of simplicity, I’m just going to say threesome, but all my advice applies to most multiple-partner sexy situations.) can be super fun and exciting. IF you go about the whole thing properly. Don’t even go into the threesome forest if you haven’t fully prepared for the journey, know what I’m saying?

RULE 1. Consider the reasons for having a threesome very carefully, no matter which member of the triad you happen to be.

If you brought up the idea of sex with multiple partners to your other half (I will now call you PARTNER A), what is your motivation? If you’re looking for excitement, and you want to share your enthusiasm with your partner: GREAT. If you’re interested in exploring sex with someone of a different gender/body type/general style from your main squeeze, and your main squeeze is into it too: GREAT. If you’re no longer into your main squeeze, and you’re looking for a way to cheat while not really cheating: NOT GREAT. Basically any sort of deceit or disregard for the feelings of your main partner while going into this new sexual experience: NOT GREAT.

If your main partner brought up the idea of a threesome to you (making you PARTNER B), you’re in a different position. You kinda call the shots, and you decide if it’s going to happen. Seriously consider Partner A’s reasons for wanting a threesome. If s/he is excited and trustworthy, and you are totally down to try anything to make them happy: GREAT. If you’re sensing any sort of weird intent and you feel crazy uncomfortable about the whole idea: NOT GREAT. Here’s the thing though: chances are, you’re going to feel a little uncomfortable at some point in the threesome process. I don’t see this as a reason to call off the whole thing, though. Weigh the pros and cons, and discuss with Partner A deeply and honestly both your feelings, and hers/his. Maybe it’s worth trying.

Then there’s PARTNER C, the newcomer to the bedroom. If that’s you, you’re in a very interesting position (well let’s hope so, am I right??). If you’re interested in hooking up with a couple for the joy of sex: GREAT. If you’re secreting angling to get one of them into you emotionally, and you aim to destroy their relationship eventually: NOT GREAT. Don’t be evil. You basically have to play by the couple’s rules, or you’re out. (Not including protection/safety rules, of course. Handle that shit yourself, no matter what.)

Of course, all this stuff so far could be moot, ‘cause all three members of the triad are un-relationshipped PARTNER C’s. In that case, get on with your bad selves and have fun! Use mad protection, and don’t hurt anybody’s feelings. Safe words still apply.

(Stayed tuned for the next step of planning your threesome…)

Comments
Well, this is one of the most entertaining things I’ve seen in a long time…
Mystery Mushroom of China: revealed!

Well, this is one of the most entertaining things I’ve seen in a long time…

Mystery Mushroom of China: revealed!

Comments
Hot Fun in the Summertime…
(it’s about to be reeealll hot around these parts today…)

Hot Fun in the Summertime…

(it’s about to be reeealll hot around these parts today…)

Comments
But freedom, liberty, is an attribute of the soul and it may exist even when the body is in bondage. 
~Ralph A. Cram

But freedom, liberty, is an attribute of the soul and it may exist even when the body is in bondage.

~Ralph A. Cram

Comments
Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)Episode 2, part B: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life
Ideas for Rules About BDSMBDSM is an acronym for several things: bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, sadism & masochism. I’m not going to get too deep into the details of what all these sexual acts entail, but chances are that if you’re kinky, you’re somehow involved in at least a little bit of BDSM.Rules for BDSM are particularly important because BDSM can be painful, and can even border on the dangerous. If you’re new to BDSM, staarrrttt sssllllooowww. You’ve got all the time in the world to get all crazy kinky up in there. Don’t rush into anything new; discuss it with your partner, and make a game plan. All along the way, stick to the sex rules you make together. The rules can change as the game changes, just be sure to check in with each other about changes often (preferably outside of a sexual situation, wherein y’all’s judgement is not impaired by lust).Consider the following for BDSM rules:-What will our safe word be? Safe words are necessary for any BDSM play (see my last post about safe words)-What kind of bondage gear will we use?-What if the rope/cuffs are too tight? (Hint: COMMUNICATE. I once had my hand go numb for 3 days cause I didn’t tell someone about a too tight rope. Dumb.)-How can I physically get out of a bondage situation if needed? (scissors nearby are helpful)-How much pain is too much?-What if my feelings are hurt, even though I know we’re playing pretend? Remember, these are just some general guidelines for the sorts of things you and your partner should discuss for a safe and happy kinky sex life. You may not need to consider all the things I mentioned, or you may need to be much more specific and detailed. It’s really all about your own relationships, and what makes you feel good. —Next time on Kinkytown…Ideas for Rules About Multiple Partners
xoxo,
Lucy

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?
(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)

Episode 2, part B: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life

Ideas for Rules About BDSM
BDSM is an acronym for several things: bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, sadism & masochism. I’m not going to get too deep into the details of what all these sexual acts entail, but chances are that if you’re kinky, you’re somehow involved in at least a little bit of BDSM.

Rules for BDSM are particularly important because BDSM can be painful, and can even border on the dangerous. If you’re new to BDSM, staarrrttt sssllllooowww. You’ve got all the time in the world to get all crazy kinky up in there. Don’t rush into anything new; discuss it with your partner, and make a game plan. All along the way, stick to the sex rules you make together. The rules can change as the game changes, just be sure to check in with each other about changes often (preferably outside of a sexual situation, wherein y’all’s judgement is not impaired by lust).

Consider the following for BDSM rules:

-What will our safe word be? Safe words are necessary for any BDSM play (see my last post about safe words)
-What kind of bondage gear will we use?
-What if the rope/cuffs are too tight? (Hint: COMMUNICATE. I once had my hand go numb for 3 days cause I didn’t tell someone about a too tight rope. Dumb.)
-How can I physically get out of a bondage situation if needed? (scissors nearby are helpful)
-How much pain is too much?
-What if my feelings are hurt, even though I know we’re playing pretend?

Remember, these are just some general guidelines for the sorts of things you and your partner should discuss for a safe and happy kinky sex life. You may not need to consider all the things I mentioned, or you may need to be much more specific and detailed. It’s really all about your own relationships, and what makes you feel good.

Next time on Kinkytown…

Ideas for Rules About Multiple Partners

xoxo,

Lucy

Comments
Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)Episode 2: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex LifeLet’s assume that you, the reader, have accepted that you are, to some degree, kinky. If you’re not quite sure what that means, that’s OK! (I wrote about the definition of kink here). Perhaps you just know that you’re ready to venture out of the norm, to add some sprinkles onto your vanilla. In short, it’s time to ACT.Whether you are with a regular, long-term partner, or you’re meeting up with strangers at rest stops, or anywhere inbetween, it is imperative to set ground rules for your kinky sex life. First, some rules about rules:The Universal Rules About Rules About Sex:
Rules must be decided upon before sex is engaged in.
Rules must be agreed upon by all parties involved in the sexy-time. 
If a rule is broken, sex play stops immediately, and a discussion begins.
Rules can be changed, but not in the heat of the moment.
If you and your partner are not willing to abide by the above universal rules, it will not be possible to have a truly safe and healthy kinky relationship and lifestyle. Rules are there to protect you and your partner(s), and to make sure that there are possibilities for growth and development of your relationship. And mostly so that you’re all having super fun times, without worry!Now that you’ve agreed to the Universal Rules, you and your partner get to make your own! I don’t know exactly what you’re into, so I can’t give you everything, but I sure can give you some ideas…Ideas for Rules About Communication:If you know anything about me, you know that I’m constantly harping on my sex-loving fans to communicate more. Almost every difficult sexual situation can be improved upon if folks just talk to each other! So, when you and your lovah (here on referred to as “WE”) enter Kinkytown, set up some guidelines about good old communicash.-Decide whether or not we will discuss sexy stuff with each other on the internet, phone, text, IM, etc. Can other people see this stuff? What about photos? -Can we talk about our sex lives with other people? Friends? Coworkers?-Can we have dirty/sexy talk with other people? Friends, fuck-buddies, strangers?In the bedroom…-When and how can I tell you what sexual things I like?-How should I respond when you tell me what you like?-Is every night kinky night? Should we mix it up?Safe words…-What is our safe word? (You will use this word during sexy time whenever one partner wants to stop whatever is going on. Don’t choose a word like “no” or “stop,” because those words might be fun to role play with!)-When a safe word is used, what happens? (I highly suggest STOPPING all activoty immediately, and discussing what happened. What was too much/ too weird/ too painful? Do not resume play until you’ve hashed it out comfortably.)
-What if I can’t talk because I have a gag in my mouth? (I suggest having at least one had free to ring a bell, or some sort of noisemaker, that you’ve placed accessibly nearby.)
In public…-How physical should we get in public?-What if I’m not into what you’re doing in public?-What if I want to pull you into some dark corner and have my way with you?-Can we invent some secretive signals/ code words to communicate secretly about kinky stuff with each other while we’re in public? (Ooh! Fun!)—Tomorrow: Kinkytown continues with…Ideas for Rules About BDSM
xoxo,
Lucy

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?
(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)

Episode 2: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life

Let’s assume that you, the reader, have accepted that you are, to some degree, kinky. If you’re not quite sure what that means, that’s OK! (I wrote about the definition of kink here). Perhaps you just know that you’re ready to venture out of the norm, to add some sprinkles onto your vanilla. In short, it’s time to ACT.

Whether you are with a regular, long-term partner, or you’re meeting up with strangers at rest stops, or anywhere inbetween, it is imperative to set ground rules for your kinky sex life. First, some rules about rules:

The Universal Rules About Rules About Sex:

  1. Rules must be decided upon before sex is engaged in.
  2. Rules must be agreed upon by all parties involved in the sexy-time.
  3. If a rule is broken, sex play stops immediately, and a discussion begins.
  4. Rules can be changed, but not in the heat of the moment.


If you and your partner are not willing to abide by the above universal rules, it will not be possible to have a truly safe and healthy kinky relationship and lifestyle. Rules are there to protect you and your partner(s), and to make sure that there are possibilities for growth and development of your relationship. And mostly so that you’re all having super fun times, without worry!

Now that you’ve agreed to the Universal Rules, you and your partner get to make your own! I don’t know exactly what you’re into, so I can’t give you everything, but I sure can give you some ideas…

Ideas for Rules About Communication:
If you know anything about me, you know that I’m constantly harping on my sex-loving fans to communicate more. Almost every difficult sexual situation can be improved upon if folks just talk to each other! So, when you and your lovah (here on referred to as “WE”) enter Kinkytown, set up some guidelines about good old communicash.

-Decide whether or not we will discuss sexy stuff with each other on the internet, phone, text, IM, etc. Can other people see this stuff? What about photos?
-Can we talk about our sex lives with other people? Friends? Coworkers?
-Can we have dirty/sexy talk with other people? Friends, fuck-buddies, strangers?

In the bedroom…
-When and how can I tell you what sexual things I like?
-How should I respond when you tell me what you like?
-Is every night kinky night? Should we mix it up?

Safe words…
-What is our safe word? (You will use this word during sexy time whenever one partner wants to stop whatever is going on. Don’t choose a word like “no” or “stop,” because those words might be fun to role play with!)
-When a safe word is used, what happens? (I highly suggest STOPPING all activoty immediately, and discussing what happened. What was too much/ too weird/ too painful? Do not resume play until you’ve hashed it out comfortably.)

-What if I can’t talk because I have a gag in my mouth? (I suggest having at least one had free to ring a bell, or some sort of noisemaker, that you’ve placed accessibly nearby.)


In public…
-How physical should we get in public?
-What if I’m not into what you’re doing in public?
-What if I want to pull you into some dark corner and have my way with you?
-Can we invent some secretive signals/ code words to communicate secretly about kinky stuff with each other while we’re in public? (Ooh! Fun!)


Tomorrow: Kinkytown continues with…

Ideas for Rules About BDSM

xoxo,

Lucy


Comments

"Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken."

~ Anonymous

Comments
Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m easy.

- ~Anonymous

Comments
Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?!(A New Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)Issue 1: What Is Kink?I get questions from readers about kinky sex all the time: Should I like kinky sex? How much kink is too much? How do I tell my partner about my kinks? What the hell IS kink, anyhow?As an experienced kinkstress myself, I thought I’d do a little series, answering questions and sharing my thoughts. I already have a few good ideas lined up, but if y’all think of anything you’re dying to know about kink in any of its variations, send it along. I’m thinking I’ll focus on kink for at least a few weeks.Rather than jump right in to answering specific questions, I’m going to kick off the series with an informative introduction to kink. In my words. This is not to say that everything I write here is one hundered percent true and accurate; it is based on my very own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Maybe yours are quite different, and that’s perfectly OK! But if you want to learn about kink from Lucy Rockwell’s perspective, read on…Kinky sex can be defined as any sort of unconventional sex. That is, anything sexual that is not “normal.” Does that tell us anything? Not really. So let’s back up and define conventional sex first.Normal sex is a cultural standard that varies depending on where and when you are living. In the current Western world in which I live, normal/conventional sex usually means penis/vagina intercourse in the missionary position (man on top). Kissing and cuddling are a part of conventional sex, but that’s about as far as it goes. Not much in the way of changing up positions, and certainly no kink or fetishism. Conventional sex is often described by the term “vanilla.” Much like its namesake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla sex is bland, plain, and nearly flavorless. But, OH, can it be improved with chocolate sauce, let me tell you!You may be thinking to yourself, “Wait, I totally do different positions with my partner! And sometimes s/he slaps my butt a little bit! And there was that time with the whipped cream!” Well, my dear, you just might be a little bit kinky. Congratulations.Kink is: what vanilla is not. Kink is: slapping, biting, choking, roleplay, BDSM, fetishes, tying up, blindfolds. Kink is: a little pain, the good kind.Kink is: pretending you are different people, or have different roles than you do in real life. Kink is: bringing another person into your sex life. Or just pretending to.Kink is: wearing fun and sexy costumes.Kink is: getting punished for being bad, and being bad on purpose in order to get punished.Kink is: watching porn together.Kink is: getting love juices all over the place.Kink is: talking dirty in person. On the phone. Online.That list could go on forever. My point is that pretty much anything sexual can be thought of as kinky. There’s a little kink in all of us, just begging to be set free. And when you do, sex just gets better. xoxo,LucyP.S. Issue 2 of KINKYTOWN: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life
p.p.s. Get that hot blindfold here.

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?!
(A New Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)

Issue 1: What Is Kink?

I get questions from readers about kinky sex all the time: Should I like kinky sex? How much kink is too much? How do I tell my partner about my kinks? What the hell IS kink, anyhow?

As an experienced kinkstress myself, I thought I’d do a little series, answering questions and sharing my thoughts. I already have a few good ideas lined up, but if y’all think of anything you’re dying to know about kink in any of its variations, send it along. I’m thinking I’ll focus on kink for at least a few weeks.

Rather than jump right in to answering specific questions, I’m going to kick off the series with an informative introduction to kink. In my words. This is not to say that everything I write here is one hundered percent true and accurate; it is based on my very own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Maybe yours are quite different, and that’s perfectly OK! But if you want to learn about kink from Lucy Rockwell’s perspective, read on…

Kinky sex can be defined as any sort of unconventional sex. That is, anything sexual that is not “normal.” Does that tell us anything? Not really. So let’s back up and define conventional sex first.

Normal sex is a cultural standard that varies depending on where and when you are living. In the current Western world in which I live, normal/conventional sex usually means penis/vagina intercourse in the missionary position (man on top). Kissing and cuddling are a part of conventional sex, but that’s about as far as it goes. Not much in the way of changing up positions, and certainly no kink or fetishism. Conventional sex is often described by the term “vanilla.” Much like its namesake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla sex is bland, plain, and nearly flavorless. But, OH, can it be improved with chocolate sauce, let me tell you!

You may be thinking to yourself, “Wait, I totally do different positions with my partner! And sometimes s/he slaps my butt a little bit! And there was that time with the whipped cream!” Well, my dear, you just might be a little bit kinky. Congratulations.

Kink is: what vanilla is not.
Kink is: slapping, biting, choking, roleplay, BDSM, fetishes, tying up, blindfolds.
Kink is: a little pain, the good kind.
Kink is: pretending you are different people, or have different roles than you do in real life.
Kink is: bringing another person into your sex life. Or just pretending to.
Kink is: wearing fun and sexy costumes.
Kink is: getting punished for being bad, and being bad on purpose in order to get punished.
Kink is: watching porn together.
Kink is: getting love juices all over the place.
Kink is: talking dirty in person. On the phone. Online.

That list could go on forever. My point is that pretty much anything sexual can be thought of as kinky. There’s a little kink in all of us, just begging to be set free. And when you do, sex just gets better.

xoxo,
Lucy

P.S. Issue 2 of KINKYTOWN: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life

p.p.s. Get that hot blindfold here.

Comments
Blowjobs: Revisited
Dear Lucy, This guy and I have had a thing for a while now and have been hanging out quite a bit lately. While things have been going great, he recently asked me to go down on him.. The thing is it will be my first time going down on anyone and I’m kind of nervous about what to do and not equaling up to his expectations. Do you have any tips that could help me?? I’d really appreciate it! :)
Oh, boy, do I have blowjob tips or what?
In fact, my dear, I have a whole ginormous post about giving fantastic head, entitled LUCY’S GUIDE TO AWESOME BLOWJOBS.
Check it out for such highlights as…
-Is biting good?
-To spit or to swallow?
-All aboard the fast train to orgasm town!
-Commitment: it’s not just for relationships.
-Why I spell it “come.”
…and so much more!
I’d love to know what you all think, and get some more feedback on favorite BJ techniques. So read the guide, then tell me:
How do you like to give or get head?

Blowjobs: Revisited

Dear Lucy, This guy and I have had a thing for a while now and have been hanging out quite a bit lately. While things have been going great, he recently asked me to go down on him.. The thing is it will be my first time going down on anyone and I’m kind of nervous about what to do and not equaling up to his expectations. Do you have any tips that could help me?? I’d really appreciate it! :)

Oh, boy, do I have blowjob tips or what?

In fact, my dear, I have a whole ginormous post about giving fantastic head, entitled LUCY’S GUIDE TO AWESOME BLOWJOBS.

Check it out for such highlights as…

-Is biting good?

-To spit or to swallow?

-All aboard the fast train to orgasm town!

-Commitment: it’s not just for relationships.

-Why I spell it “come.”

…and so much more!

I’d love to know what you all think, and get some more feedback on favorite BJ techniques. So read the guide, then tell me:

How do you like to give or get head?

Comments

Life. Love. Lust.

I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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